Mason | 26 Week Preemie | NICU Portraits | Charlotte, North Carolina | Krista Gantt Photograph

“My husband and I have an 8 year old daughter who longed to be a big sister and we knew our hearts were ready for another child. We were overjoyed when we learned our family would be growing, and the excitement continued when we learned we were having a boy. We planned showers and the nursery and was determined to make everything PERFECT!

Until at 25 weeks things became not so perfect, as my body went into labor. We rushed to the hospital and learned we would soon be having our preemie baby. The neonatologist came to talk to us about what to expect, and what our stay looked like, and survival odds. It was overwhelming and terrifying but that conversation really prepared us for our NICU journey.

Mason was born  via c-section at exactly 26 weeks weighing 1 pound 11.2 ounces and came out ready to fight! At 4 days old he became gravely ill, and we feared we were going to lose our baby, but God was not done with Mason and Mason was not done fighting. It was a hard fight for a few days but we made it through it with a lot of prayers and by the Grace of God. His sickness did cause a grade 4 brain bleed and hydrocephalus which has required two surgeries during our stay. He has overcome so many obstacles and continues to amaze us with his strength.

We have been in the NICU for 80 days, currently just transitioned to special care, learning how to feed and we will soon be heading home. My advice for any parent that is having to walk this NICU journey is to first realize it is a long road, BUT this is only temporary.

There are scary times, frustrating times, and joyous times. Take them all in. Every small victory, celebrate it! Your firsts with your baby will be a lot different than other moms with newborns. You will celebrate a day without bradycardias, no more PICC line, less respiratory support, or a good head ultrasound. No, it’s not the normal excitement you plan for as a mom, but it’s your new normal and it will be just as exciting as hearing your baby coo for the first time!

Embrace the rollercoaster. It won’t be long until you are home with your little miracle and this fight and this journey will remind you of yours and your baby’s strength!”

Penelope | 26 Week Preemie | NICU Portraits | Charlotte, North Carolina | Krista Gantt Photography

Penelope

26 weeks

1 pound 0.09 ounces

Penelope’s parents are not strangers to parenting, but they knew even before her birth that Penelope would need some extra special care upon her arrival. Her mom and dad are currently balancing care for their other children with time with Penelope in the NICU. Between daily life at home and commuting to and from the hospital, life can really fly by. Being a photographer herself, Penelope’s mother wanted to capture her daughter’s feisty personality during her NICU stay, so she welcomed a NICU session for her sweet little lady. Bundled up next to her very first octopus, here is a glimpse into the NICU journey of this little fighter and her loving parents as well as a note from her mother about Penelope’s diagnoses and how she made her grand entrance into her family of five.

We found out we were expecting and were going to do a water birth until all these unexpected things kept coming up. [There were] multiple doctor appointments with fetal medicine and cardiology. We first found out our little girl would be born with cleft—once we got settled in knowing that, we had a cardiologist appointment and we found out she had hole in [her] heart in two different spots. So being scared we put it in God's hands. We knew He could work miracles. Pregnancy was going pretty smooth other than that until 25 weeks my water ruptured and I had to rush to ER and they had to stop labor. They were able to keep baby in another week but then a turn for the worst her heart started to decel. We had to deliver 12/19/19 and she came out crying and doing great on just CPAP.  Two kids at home…and traveling everyday to Charlotte to make sure I'm with my sweet Penelope too it's crazy and a roller coaster, but God is amazing and He works miracles.

Charlie, An Angel | 26 Week Preemie | NICU Portraits | Charlotte, North Carolina NICU Photographer | Krista Gantt Photography

You may remember Charlie from a few photos floating around on my Instagram page.  When we first met in the NICU last October, Charlie was just over 2 weeks old.  He came into this world weighing right at 1 pound.  You read that right.  Charlie weighed 1 pound 0.02 ounces to be exact.

Although Charlie's life was short, he fought hard to be with his mom and dad.  Here is Charlie's life in a nutshell, as told by his mom.

It all started on May 15, 2016.  I wasn’t feeling so great and I knew I was late, so I decided to take a pregnancy test.  Well it came back positive, and I decided to take 5 more tests just to make sure (I was very surprised).  On June 6th we ventured to the doctor to hear Charlie’s heartbeat for the first time.  My regular OB/GYN did some blood work and tested for Down’s syndrome but it came back fine.  My numbers came back somewhat high for Spina Bifida, so I was referred to a Maternal Fetal Physician.  

On August 2nd, Dr. Shaver confirmed we were having a little boy (quite the surprise for me). Charlie was quite active in the tummy and they found that he did not have Spina Bifida. However, the doctor did talk to us about the possibility of preeclampsia.  I didn’t think that kind of thing would happen to me.  

On September 16th (my birthday) I had a severe headache and could not function very well. By September 19th, I was being admitted to “Special Care” at Presbyterian Main to be monitored for preeclampsia.  I was followed closely and Charlie’s heart rate would drop from time to time, which was a cause for concern.  On October 3rd I had an ultrasound.  Charlie’s heart rate dropped significantly while they were conducting the ultrasound, and that lead to me being sent to L&D for 24 hour monitoring.  At 3:45am, I had to use the bathroom and when I returned, the nurse was unable to get Charlie’s heartbeat, even with the assistance of other nurses and a doctor.

At 5:30am my Maternal Fetal Physician made the decision for Charlie to be delivered by C-section because he would not have made it through the next 24 hours if they waited. It was at 6:33am when my story ends and Charlie’s begins...

Charlie was born weighing 1 pound 0.02 ounces and measured in at 10.25 inches long. The doctors prepared me telling me that since Charlie was born so early, he probably would not make any noises when he was born.  I prayed and asked for a sign that he was ok.  When Dr. White held him up for me to see, he screamed and cried.  I cried at that moment because it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.  I didn’t realize it would be the first and only time I would ever hear him cry.

Upon Charlie’s arrival, Chris met with Dr. Morales and Kayla (nurse) and they talked to him about Charlie.  Kayla told Chris that he had nothing to worry about because she would be taking care of him that day. They wheeled me into the NICU from recovery and I was able to touch Charlie for the first time.  I could not get over how little he was and that his eyes were still fused shut.  

In the following days, we had a lot of ups and downs.  The first big hurdle was on October 9th when Charlie was at 100% oxygen.  I remember the neonatologist telling us that we didn’t have a lot of options at that point because his lungs were in such bad shape and he needed so much support.  Chris and I just looked at each other and cried because we knew he was very premature.  Everyone tells you about the roller coaster ride called the NICU.  

It was on October 9th that we decided to have Charlie baptized.  We wanted to be prepared if anything should happen.  We celebrated each milestone as it came... whether it was weight gain, being able to tolerate feeds, skin to skin contact, or something as silly as my first experience with breastmilk poop.  

It was not a surprise that Charlie had stolen Kayla’s heart when she first met him, so it was important to Chris and I to ask Kayla about being Charlie’s first primary nurse. As time went on we had Anna, Carmine, Rachel and Hannah all sign up to be primary nurses for him.  We did have a few other nurses that had special relationships with us and Charlie but they already had primaries.  These women all left a lasting impression on us. We will always see them as “Charlie’s angels.” 

Charlie was a feisty little guy.  I couldn’t help but laugh when the nurses would tuck him in and swaddle him and he would somehow break free, whether it was his little legs kicking or it was his arms.  Out of nowhere, you would see his arm go up in the air like a defiant victory.  

It might sound silly but I enjoyed changing his diapers, taking his temperature, wiping his face and just having those few minutes touching him and talking to him, so that he knew I was there.  In the morning when I would arrive, I would sing songs to Charlie and talk to him about the great big world. At night time I would go back and read him a bedtime story.  His favorite story was “On the night you were born.”  I say this was his favorite because it seemed to be the one story that I read to him when he would open his eyes and look around.

My most treasured memories were either when Charlie would grab my finger and hold it, or when we had our skin to skin time and I could just sit there and snuggle with him. 

I received a call from the Pediatric Surgeon on 11/26/16 and he informed me that they needed to do exploratory surgery bc they thought Charlie might have Necrotizing Enterocolitis. I would not give verbal consent.  I wanted to see Charlie before they did the surgery and I made it to the hospital in time.  I got to hold him with the assistance of a Respiratory Therapist until they got his bed set up.  They told us he had a 50/50 shot of making it through the surgery, and I remember thinking and feeling like this was all of my fault becasuse of the preeclampsia. I felt like my body failed Charlie and put him through more pain than I went through.

Charlie made it through the surgery and did great. We stayed overnight at the hospital just to be on the safe side.  I woke up at 1:45am because I wanted to be at his bedside for his 2am assessment.  I received a text at 1:50am from Charlie’s nurse telling me that we needed to get to his bedside.  I woke Chris and we went running.  As we turned the corner we were not prepared for what we were about to see.  

A nurse was giving Charlie chest compressions.  His primary nurse had just given him a dose of epinephrine because his heart rate dropped and it was not coming back up. Once they were able to get him stabilized, Chris and I made phone calls and some of our family members came to the hospital.  Charlie’s nurses all showed up. Charlie really knew how to draw a crowd and get the emotions going.

Around 9pm Monday night, we started to realize that things were not going as well as they were earlier in the day. Charlie was on 3 different blood pressure medications to bring it up, but nothing seemed to be helping. He just looked so tired.  It was at that time that I looked at Chris and I told him that Charlie is getting tired and that we needed to make a decision. He looked at me and shook his head yes.  Dr. Morales was getting ready to approach us and tell us about the terrible blood gas that he just had, but I stopped her and said that we knew he was tired. We wanted them to go ahead and unhook Charlie from everything and place him in my arms, and that is how he would leave this world.

Our families and nurses were there and said their goodbyes. We then asked our families to leave and we only wanted Charlie’s nurses, our Deacon and Dr. Morales there. The nurses dressed Charlie and laid him in my arms and Chris sat next to me. I sang to him and told him that we would never be angry for him not wanting to fight anymore.  After about 5 minutes, Dr. Morales came over and listened to his heart and looked at us and said that he was no longer with us as of 1:24am.  

Dr. Morales and Kayla were there when Charlie came into this world and they were there when he left and that meant so much to us because we had such a wonderful relationship with them.  When they removed the ventilator tube, I felt so heartbroken but when I looked at my sweet boy, he had this beautiful smile on his face.  It was like he was happy and at peace and I felt like maybe my dad was there to greet him in Heaven.

“Dearest Charlie,

You came into this world on October 4th and changed our lives forever. It seems like only yesterday that we had heard the most beautiful sound upon our ears when you cried. It gave us the greatest comfort knowing that you would be our little fighter, our superhero. We had no idea at that moment that we would gain not only a beautiful little boy in our lives but also a family we didn’t know we would be blessed with. Eight weeks may not seem like a long enough period of time to change people’s lives but you certainly did sweet boy.

Your personality was enormous for such a little peanut. It was not unusual for you to go from swatting your little hands at your nurses and sometimes even mommy to grabbing the finger of those giving you the loving care you received. It was comical to watch your nurses work so hard to bundle you up, only for you to sneak your little arm or leg out and shake them in defiant victory. As if your personality wasn’t enough you were blessed with golden blonde hair and big blue eyes and it is plain to see how you captivated the hearts of all who met you. Speaking of those captivated hearts, as you know they are here with us celebrating you. You may not recognize them without their scrubs on, but we know you recognize them by their love and devotion to taking care of you. Whether it was comforting us when you were having a rough day or celebrating milestones with us, their resolve never wavered.

We could fill volumes of books with the hopes and dreams we had for you. In spite of all of those things we wanted our perfect little boy to be a good person. You exceeded our hopes and dreams in these 8 weeks we were blessed with. You taught us more about unconditional love and compassion than we could have imagined. You made a difference in a way that most people can only dream.

We love you very much, sweet boy, and miss you terribly. There is not a minute we don’t miss you. We can only take comfort in your being set free from the pain and struggle you fought so hard through. You overcame many obstacles in your time on this earth, with great perseverance. There isn’t anything we wouldn’t give to see your beautiful blue eyes looking at us, or feel you squeezing our fingers and not letting us pull away from you.

Watch over all of those gathered here and those who were blessed with your presence. We all have an extra guardian angel now to watch over us. You are loved and missed so much Charlie, and you always will be.

Love always,
Mom and dad”

You Are Not Alone

I want other moms to know that they are not alone and that this is a unique club that no one ever wants to be in. I never in a million years thought that I would be cremating my 7 week old son. I still to this day struggle with the feeling of my body failing Charlie and causing him more harm  and pain on the outside. There are triggers everywhere and somedays I can walk around the mall or a store and be ok and other days I can walk in and walk right back out because of my anxieties and triggers. I have a few friends who have suffered miscarriages which is still the loss of a child but they cannot fully relate to what I struggle with because we had Charlie for 7 weeks and had a different experience.

Chris and I started attending Kindermourn for grief counseling which has been great.  I started going to a support group last week called “Empty Arms,” which specializes in miscarriages, stillborns and infant loss. The first meeting was definitely eye opening for me. I didn’t expect to be in a group with 4 other couples and myself (Chris does not want to participate in the group) discussing the loss of our children and talking about the trauma that we suffered.

One thing that I have learned is that men and women definitely grieve differently.  That is something to be prepared for.  Do not let people tell you that whatever you need to do to help you grieve is wrong. There is no handbook on grieving or how to cope with the loss of a child and everyone grieves in different ways. One other thing I wanted to mention is that it is ok to need medicine to help with depression or anxiety. It does not have to be a permanent thing but it can help especially when you are going through so many emotions and it can be very hard to handle.